if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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