god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
