This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize