i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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