ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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