If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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