It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
