Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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