After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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