Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
