wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
