He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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