i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
