just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
