Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
