i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
