Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
