how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
