did you get engaged???
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
