literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
