She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
