Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
