So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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