the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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