We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
