my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
