dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
