Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So much Jack, so little girl.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
