I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
