just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
