either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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