Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
