the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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