then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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