Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
