the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize