Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
