I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
