I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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