waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
