We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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