just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize