I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
