Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
