my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
did you just send me my own nude
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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