I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
