I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
