that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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