Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
