One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
