Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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