I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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