the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
