you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.