The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.