Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore

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  (248): Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore http://tfl.nu/16rg
  Replies (38) Good night (1662) Bad night (2461)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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  (301): if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant http://tfl.nu/x9ap
  Replies (5) Good night (1206) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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  (615): Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN? http://tfl.nu/nemo
  Replies (9) Good night (3211) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

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  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (2277) Bad night (5314)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5498) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

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  (406): I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing. http://tfl.nu/w8ww
  Replies (7) Good night (5516) Bad night (1365)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.

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  (812): He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/zftg
  Replies (8) Good night (1049) Bad night (3627)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?

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  (731): There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight? http://tfl.nu/39pd
  Replies (8) Good night (1753) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.

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  (973): They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard. http://tfl.nu/pxmg
  Replies (1) Good night (1172) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.

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  (315): Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure. http://tfl.nu/q5fs
  Replies (4) Good night (561) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.

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  (402): Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring. http://tfl.nu/m8y1
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.

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  (540): This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cdhc
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.

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  (512): I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like. http://tfl.nu/zkry
  Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.

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  (503): You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window. http://tfl.nu/zs4a
  Replies (4) Good night (229) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough

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  (717): So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough http://tfl.nu/a02j
  Replies (1) Good night (10) Bad night (62)

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