this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...