you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Everything about him screamed your future.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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