He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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