So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
