aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
