Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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