she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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