Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
